Saturday, 6 January 2018

Bees

For a time, Tyson raised bees.
This was part of his research for his Ph.D in applied mathematics. Tyson left his secondary school (Cambridge International School) and began attending Cambridge University at age fifteen, but due to his tutors, Tyson had already begun university level education by this point.
This also meant that, knowing what was expected of him to continue the family legacy and aware of his father’s plans to transfer him, Tyson began working on the research he would need before actually attending the university.
His first paper was on his favourite subjects, hexagons and game theory. Hexagons are Tyson’s absolute favourite shapebees build their hives using hexagons, and game theory can be used to predict the behaviour of bees, ants, humans, and beyond.
Though he could use many other resources, Tyson was aware of what his father demanded of his students for that course. He needed to have his own evidence for at least one of his applied mathematics papers. So, Tyson enlisted the help of one of John Delaney’s fellow professors, Mrs E. Baldwin, who raised bees in her free time.
He wanted evidence for how mathematics could be used to predict how bees would build their homes in any given container and under different circumstances, such as proximity to flowers. The easier part to prove was that they would always build in hexagons, as it was the most efficient shape and there was hundreds of years of precedent.
To prove how game theory predicts behaviour, ants would have been easier subjects; as they are overall easier to observe working and can be made to operate in a small area. However, Tyson wanted to consolidate his time usage better and give the paper a more direct focus, so resolved to use bees instead.
In more general information, Tyson has never been afraid of bees and he was rather at home in the bee keeper’s helmet, as he’d been fencing for several years at that point.
Though he has never had a particularly sweet tooth, Tyson has struggled with low blood sugar ever since he was a child. Every day after school, ever since he was old enough to attend nursery, one of the maids at the family manor would give Tyson a teaspoon of honey. If he didn’t eat that, Tyson would collapse or have wild mood swings for several hours; which is saying something as, on any given day, Tyson can give a man emotional whiplash.
Tyson has fond memories of sharing pieces of honeycomb, gifted by Elizabeth around his father’s birthday, and a bowl of strawberries whilst playing games of chess against his father in his study or the family library; which Tyson spent most of his childhood thinking of as his father’s library.

Friday, 5 January 2018

Bugs

Generally speaking, Tyson doesn’t mind bugs. He prefers that they stay outside, but he certainly isn’t squeamish about them. Whilst Tyson know it definitely isn’t kosher, he doesn’t baulk at the idea of eating insects; though he doesn’t exactly jump for joy at the prospect either.
He hated that science class where everyone had to go outside and collect bugs with the insect pooter, but that was more that Tyson has OCD and absolutely did not trust the other students to keep them clean. He also found it much easier to simply open the lid and scoop up insects that way instead.
Part of the family manor’s grounds is a meadow of wildflowers and tall grasses, in the spring and summer that field was full of butterflies. Most commonly Painted Lady (Venessa cardui) and Red Admiral (Venessa atalanta). Dragonflies could be found in the eastern part of the grounds, in the forest where the river ran through and the pond was.
As a child, he found Ladybugs and Greenflies fascinating. Caterpillars too. Anything that could be found by examining both sides of tree leaves was interesting to him. Tyson used to climb up trees that he found those bugs on to see how far up they could be found.
He finds mosquitoes as annoying as anyone else, especially on humid summer days when he ends up walking through a cloud of them, but Tyson tends not to get bitten. This is fortunate as Tyson’s skin is pretty sensitive to chemicals and thus, he can’t really use mosquito repellent too much.

Thursday, 4 January 2018

Water

This is a headcanon that has been told several times:
Tyson loves water.
Tyson was taught to swim by his brother, Jethro Andrew Delaney, who used to take him to a small creak near the family manor, and sometimes to the river in the family manor’s ground when it was summer and there had been a heavy rainfall making it deep enough to go in.
Though he’ll whine about being wet when he gets out of the water Tyson does love being in it, except when it comes to baths. He hates taking baths, even after a long run when he feels like he never want to stand again he’ll take a shower rather than getting into the bath, because he didn’t like just sitting in a pool of water. It’s the same reasoning he gives when his nephew wants him to join him in the sea or in a swimming pool. However, when presented with an open lagoon Tyson would gladly sit in the water for hours on end.
He likes being in fresh water with lots of room the best though, especially those near waterfalls. Tyson adores waterfalls, almost to the same level as he does mathematics, maps, and dogs. They are a source of wondrous beauty for Tyson that the man-made world cannot corrupt.
Swimming gives him a freedom. It takes him away from the world. He can’t fully meditate when floating because he has buoyancy issues. He can flow perfectly, but only face down which causes an issue if he wants to breath. If he tries to float on his back then his head would sink under water - unless he keeps pushing it up - until he rotates around to floating on his stomach.
Rain holds less affection in Tyson’s heart. The constant, dismal onslaught of rain from the British weather takes away a lot of the joy rainfall can bring, but even so he appreciates the mathematical challenge that rain can give. He knows the formulae for predicting where each rain drop will fall. His view on rain does improve once he’s inside, however.
There is a divide amongst Tyson’s pets when it comes to water.
Lily [Dalmatian/Dhole] hates water. When they first met, Lily was terrified of water; including the river she led him to for water. Since those days, Tyson has helped her calm down and taught her to swim, but she still hates taking a bath and she never wants to stay out in the rain. More often than not, Tyson will wash her in the en-suite’s walk-in shower instead.
Bobby [Dalmatian/Dhole/Beagle] - on the other hand - loves water, and swimming, and rain, and jumping in puddles, and… anything wet. When he was a smaller dog, Bobby used to swim laps in the bathtub. Whenever Tyson goes to take a shower, Bobby insists on jumping in to join him.
Jack [Doberman] is largely impartial about water. Whilst he won’t care about walking out in the rain, he also won’t jump into the water; unless it’s a very hot day or ordered in by Tyson. Bath time has always been easy with Jack.
Meg [Welsh Border Collie] also loves water, natural water anyway. Unlike Bobby, Meg would take some coaxing to get into a chlorinated pool. As soon you’ve spotted a pond, lake, or river, Meg is already in it. And pulling out the biggest stick she can find to play fetch with.
Mandy [Tabby] is continually curious about water, especially running water. However, that thought is abandoned the moment her body gets wet. Tyson can clean her legs, tail, and ears without her raising a fuss. She’s easy to calm and, unless she falls in the water, doesn’t start scratching, but she’s clearly distressed.
Felix [Ragdoll] hasn’t shown a great interest in water, but he’s largely apathetic about being wet. He won’t even bother to dry himself. He just lays his soaking wet body down on the bed for someone else to deal with later.

Wednesday, 3 January 2018

Fire

Though Tyson is also afraid of alcohol and thunder/lightening, his strongest - and oldest - fear is his pyrophobia. However, it is also the one he finds easiest to deal with.
He doesn’t have a specific nervous tick or one particular method that will keep him calm around it. Instead, fire always puts Tyson on edge - even a simple candle flame - but beyond refusing to allow the flame out of his sight for more than a few seconds, Tyson will be fine; no matter how long he has to stay in the fire’s presence.
When a mission requires surviving in the wilderness, Tyson can create bonfires and fire pits, but he’ll sleep almost too far away to feel its warmth and - frequently - let his food get burnt, hesitating too long to retrieve something from the spit. Generally, he favours making a Dakota Fire Pit, as removing the flames from sight makes things easier for him and it’s also a better way of staying undetected.
Unlike his phobia of thunder, lightning, and alcohol, which can all be linked to specific events or memories, Tyson doesn’t know what - if anything - caused his phobia of fire. It had been that way ever since he was a young child, some of his earlier memories are being afraid of the Shabbat candles lit by Ms Appleby.
Whilst Jethro would watch the flames in the fireplace and be transfixed by how they moved, and want to burn various items to see how it would look, Tyson would stare at the flame to make sure they weren’t touching anything flammable. As if looking away from the flames would mean that the house would suddenly turn to ash as the fire burned it down.
With all that said, Tyson understands why fire appeals to people aesthetically; and he absolutely understands being attracted to things you knew were dangerous.

Tuesday, 2 January 2018

Green-ish Thumb

At most, Tyson has a green-ish thumb.
He can - with tender love and care - nurture a plant back to life from the brink of death. However, it’s almost always his fault that the plant was in that state, having allowed it to fade into the back of his mind as mere décor. He’ll restore the plant back to health, and then the cycle will repeat.
Tyson is a city mouse through and through. Truth be told, he prefers to experience nature from afar or in small quantities. He loves London’s many parks and the family manor’s grounds, but he’ll always favour pockets of nature within a city over the countryside.
However, if shown a tree leaf, Tyson can very reliably identify it. The same applies to which berries, mushrooms, et cetera are safe to eat: for people and for dogs. He couldn’t do this everywhere in the world, but Tyson has Britain’s flora memorised, and large areas of both Europe and the Middle East committed to memory too.

Saturday, 23 September 2017

Hairy Ball Theorem

Tyson's first lesson usually involves teaching the hairy ball theorum.

It’s a crass technique, but it gets a giggle out of some of the new students and gets their attention. That way, he has their focus when he moves onto more complex mathematical theories.



This applies for Teacher!verse Tyson, and the guest lectures normal Tyson gives at Cambridge.

Monday, 23 February 2015

Tyson can easily be mistaken as lying.

When people know his nervous ticks, at least.

Tyson's default nervous tick is a slight twitch in the first two fingers of his left hand. Try it now: with your hand open, twitch those first two fingers. Which ones moved? The answer should be your index, middle, and ring finger; due to the ring and middle finger sharing a tendon. When Tyson lies the ring finger of his left hand twitches.

See how easy it could be to think he's lying now? Especially because he's already displaying nervous behavior, which can be a sign of lying.

So, why isn't his default nervous tick listed as all three fingers moving? Well, when his nervous tick happens and his hand is closed, it's only the first two fingers that move.

Monday, 8 December 2014

Yoga


In a previous headcanon I mentioned that Tyson tried yoga once but never since and that, though flexibility wasn't an issue for him, causing pain in the dent in his torso was.

In Tyson's main!verse - despite occasionally doing control exercises with Jasmine - Tyson didn't really start meditating until he was taught to by monks whilst the dent in his torso recovered and yoga came afterwards. This applies for almost all verses, except Orphan AU - child!verse, child!verse 2, & teen!verse - and Hogwarts AU where Tyson doesn't have, and isn't going to gain, the dent in his torso.
Tyson isn't going to take up meditation [fully; he's dabbled slightly as a teenager in both AUs] or yoga in any of those verses, but beyond them - an adult Tyson within those universes - he would end up doing both. In his early twenties, Tyson would begin meditating frequently in those verses and by mid-twenties would be doing yoga frequently too. In his main!verse he's decently flexible already, but those version of adult Tyson would be very flexible and happy to let his dog join in the fun.

Monday, 27 October 2014

As a child Tyson had a Grumpy Bear stuffed toy.

Essentially, that's all there is to this particular head canon.

Tyson never watched the Care Bears cartoon growing up, and still hasn't, but Jethro won the toy at a school raffle when Tyson was six and gave it to his little brother.

This toy was treasured until Tyson's father forced him to give it away - along with other toys - when he was twelve.

Sunday, 19 October 2014

Tyson likes seeing other people messy.

With Tyson's OCD, and general dislike of ripped clothes on other people, this seems rather odd.

He can't explain why, and paint/glitter/dust/et cetera on his own skin would drive Tyson up the wall, but he adores seeing other people that way. He thinks it makes other people look incredibly pretty.

Saturday, 27 September 2014

Synesthesia

Tyson has a form of Synesthesia, when he sees people or animals he sees a series of maps - bones, veins, tendons, muscles - he has to concentrate to turn that off. It takes constant concentration for Tyson to keep his Synesthesia suppressed, and he often does so as his anxiety causes him to think that people would be uncomfortable if they knew what he could see.
 
It isn’t everything he sees, it’s like an over lay his brain created for what he sees. This applies to his own body and photographs as well. This form of synesthesia doesn’t only apply to people. Most of the time Tyson is concentrating hard enough not to see the maps but when in urban or rural areas and not concentrating, if he’s seen a map of the area, he’ll see the maps. He’ll recognize rock formations or specific building shapes and see the maps bent and folded over to match his viewing angle.

Tyson can also flash memories maps and then recall them exactly as and when needed, it isn’t clear if this is part of his synesthesia or if it is a separate condition but he assumes it is part of it.
 
Tyson’s fondness of mathematics isn’t only because he enjoyed mathematics, thought that plays a large part in it, but mathematics enabled him to understand the maps he saw from his Synesthesia. Thought there are likely to be other factors involved Tyson puts all credit to mathematics for enabling to understand the images that overlapped his vision.

It was always assumed that Tyson’s Synesthesia developed at age three, as that was when he’d first mentioned seeing maps to his family.

Tyson trying to describe what his Synesthesia caused him to see can be seen in this post.
For those who don't want to read all of that post, the most important part is this:
Colour played a role in many different forms of Synesthesia. In some cases letters, numbers, and even sounds could be seen - or heard - as specific colours, regardless of their actual colours. In other forms, such as Tyson’s, colour was assigned depending in the significance of the object or person to the viewer.
In Tyson’s case it changed the colour that each part of the map was given. Most people and buildings were viewed in basic greens, yellows, pinks, and blacks. Important things appeared in various shades of reds, purples, greys, and blues.

Wednesday, 20 August 2014

The importance of sharing bread.

For the most part, Tyson's rather relaxed in his practice of Judaism, but it is still very important to him. He may only make the effort to eat Kosher on Saturdays, but he makes sure to each Kosher on every Saturday. Sharing meals is an important part of Jewish culture, even more so 'breaking bread', specially Challah.

If Tyson is willing to share bread - not a sandwich, but specially a loaf or roll of bread - with you, you are very important to him. Even if the bread he offers you isn't Challah, the symbolism is still there to Tyson. He's unlikely to explain how important sharing bread is to him, unless directly asked, because - for the most part - Tyson keeps his religion private.

If Tyson is willing to share actually Challah with you on the Sabbath, you are something Tyson is willing to die for.

If someone rejects Tyson's offer of bread, he's unlikely to take offense; being someone who views eating a chore generally, he understands not wanting to take the food. The exceptions to this are people Tyson knows to be Jewish - as he'd expect them to understand the symbolism - and people who he's explained the meaning to. Even if the bread isn't eaten, Tyson prefers that the person accepts the bread from him.

Tuesday, 29 July 2014

Comfort and sexuality

Tyson's orientation is romantically bi, but sexually gay. Tyson is completely comfortable with his romantic orientation and feels no guilt in seeking relationships with males and females. However, despite accepting that it is his sexuality, he isn't comfortable being gay.

If he could stop being gay, then Tyson would. He's not proud of being gay. He's not completely ashamed of being gay. However, the need for the word 'completely' should be enough to show that Tyson's definitely not happy about being gay.

Currently Tyson's approach to dealing with his sexuality is to ignore it and to suppress his urges. He ignores any sexual urges until he gets to a point where he can't get to sleep without dealing with them. At which point he takes himself to the shower, then he begins suppressing them again.

When in a relationship with another man, Tyson's more accepting of his sexuality because he convinces himself that it's okay because he's only interesting in the person he's in a relationship with. This isn't true, but if there's one person Tyson can lie to, it's himself.

When in a relationship with a women, Tyson hated his sexuality more than ever. Tyson feels like he's letting his partner down by not being sexually attracted to them. Even when he doesn't allow his mind to wonder, Tyson feels like he's cheating on them simply on principle.

Let me put it this way, if Sebastian hadn't instilled a fear of alcohol and intimacy in Tyson, then his way of dealing with any sexual urges would be either of the following:

  • Ignoring them, denying that they existed, denying that he could ever be a 'queer'. Then - when he gets too sexually frustrated, when that energy builds up too much - going to the nearest pub or bar he can find, getting drunk, and bedding whichever man would take him. Tyson would be aiming to be too drunk to remember it the following day. Whether he succeeded in that or not, Tyson would resume ignoring his urges.
  • Again, ignoring his urges until he simply couldn't any more. Then getting drunk at home to avoid indulging in those urges. When that obviously failed [even with himself, Tyson is an affectionate and truthful drunk] he'd then start masturbating whilst thinking about men. During and after which, Tyson will refused to admit that he's a 'fruit' and continue drinking.

And, yes, those are the ways he deals with his sexuality in army!verse. Which he chooses alternates.

Thursday, 17 July 2014

Tyson wishes it had been harder to let Kim go.

Tyson and Kim came to a peaceful, mutual decision to end their relationship on a good clean note. At the time Tyson agreed that it was the best option.

However, looking back on events, Tyson wishes that he’d fought harder for Kim.

He wishes that it could have been hard to let her go, that it had been harder for her to let him go, that they’d tried to make it work. Just for a little longer.

She broke his heart and he broke hers with their decision, but it was a ‘cold close’.

The end of their relationship just… happened.

Sleeping habits

Typically Tyson curls up as small as possible on his settee, to avoid pushing either his laptop or his dogs off of the other end.

When he actually makes it to a bed, Tyson curls up and hugs his duvet; almost hiding underneath it. It’s a case of vulnerability. He knows how vulnerable he is when asleep - very slow to wake and, though not a deep sleeper, not a light sleeper either - which is why he makes himself small (less of a target) and allows his dogs to sleep near him; added protection despite having their fur shed on the bed driving him up the wall.

Tyson usually sleep for nine hours a day, in shifts (03:00 - 07:00, 13:00 - 15:00, & 20:30 -23:30) so he can be work in the day whilst still being out at night: to walk his dogs away from the majority of people and to do his work for Jim.

Tuesday, 8 April 2014

Tyson likes cacti.

Though not particularly green thumbed, Tyson is rather fond of cacti. From a mathematical standpoint cactus plants are rather interesting show casing many different forms of geometry, and he finds that atheistically pleasing in general.

In his normal/main verse,there is a cactus kept on one of the living room shelves of Tyson's apartment. In army!verse, and over verses that use the army home, Tyson's patio is covered in many different types of cactus plants.

Saturday, 29 March 2014

Did Sebastian ruin Tyson's life?

There is certainly a strong argument for this being the case, one Tyson had made many times; in some cases to Sebastian’s face. However, it’s not something Tyson really believes. The only times he’s stated it is when very angry or upset.

If it wasn’t for Sebastian - The Colonel - Tyson would have never have proven himself. One of Tyson's strongest attributes is his will to survive; his instincts for survival are (almost) as strong as [Sebastian's] instincts to kill [are]. If Sebastian hadn't put him through everything that he did, would this have been revealed?

Unlikely. Tyson plays everything safe: he plays, he played, and he will play it safe. He isn't a man to freely take risks and, aside from joining the army, the biggest risk he's ever taken was getting close to the sniper.

Tyson's not doing to admit it, but Sebastian made him; into practically everything he is today. If it wasn't for Sebastian Tyson wouldn't be where he is today. He'd never have proven that he doesn't need anyone to save him. He would have never gotten himself to a point where he was interesting enough to take Moriarty's interest.

Without Sebastian, Tyson would have served his term in Afghanistan then retired to teach mathematics at Cambridge, just like his father intended him to. Tyson would have considered his life a failure, he'd have ended up where he started with nothing to show for it.

Sebastian certainly ruined Tyson's body: the dent in his torso isn't a repairable injury, if it was Tyson would have repaired it a long time ago. The trauma of the events he went through with, and at the hands of, Sebastian certainly increased Tyson's fear and social anxiety, but they weren't the cause for most.

It would be easy to say that Sebastian ruined Tyson's life. He certainly obliterated the life Tyson had, but the life Tyson has now is better that it would have been without The Colonel's influence.

It's not just that Sebastian forced Tyson to prove how strong he was. If it weren't for surviving those events, Tyson wouldn't have the confidence in himself to show how smart and talented (mathematically, cartographically, and with dogs) he was either.

Tyson is hard pressed to admit it, but Sebastian is important to him. Try as he might, Tyson cannot hate Moran nor can he want him dead, not really. Tyson cares about him too much. He will always come when Sebastian calls. Tyson isn't grateful for what Sebastian did to him, but deep down he knows that - ultimately - it changed his life for the better.

Friday, 21 March 2014

Tyson and his father are more alike than just looks.

It had always rubbed Tyson the wrong way that, minus thirty years, he is the spitting-image of his father. After his scars and not being 'manly' [largely lacking body hair and not being overly muscled], looking like his father is one of Tyson's main issues with his body. It was why Tyson was ‘afraid of’ the idea of needing glasses and, despite liking himself far more with stubble or a small beard, Tyson kept his face clean shaven.

He knows he'd a, relatively, handsome man. Adorably handsome. However, he can't admit that and has convinced himself he isn't, because admitting that would be admitting his father was. Tyson wants to demonise his father. The late John Delaney caused Tyson hell growing up and Tyson refuses to attach a positive word to the man, at the cost of his own self-image.

Tyson knows he had his father's stubbornness and determination, mathematical gifts, quick wit, mild sentimentally, unorthodox moral compass, and love of strong, rich coffee; but he is terrified of becoming more like him.

Tyson doesn't want to be as sadistic or ruthless as his father, he doesn't want to become as short tempered as the deceased professor, he doesn't want to be as cold or dismissive as his father, nor does he want to be as lonely as his father.

That said he wouldn't mind inheriting his father's charm, social graces, neat handwriting, and confidence.

When are you going to realize that nobody's going to swoop in and save you?

Tyson never thought that someone would swoop in and save him. He didn't come to the conclusion that no one would save him, instead if was something he'd simply accepted the second he went off with The Colonel.

However, it took him a very long time to realise that he was going to save himself and that he didn't need anyone else to save him or fix him; something which he later became very passionate about.

After parting ways with Sebastian and escaping military capture, Tyson had simply accepted that he wasn't going to make it. He never consider giving in or stopping trying to find safety, but somewhere in his heart he'd accepted that the odds were stacked against him; that this would be his undoing.

It wasn't until Tyson made it to German, holed up in a Munich hotel room with Lily whilst he waited out a sprained ankle, that Tyson realised he'd saved himself. At this point he'd been travelling through Europe to avoid detection for over a month, but only now did he realise that he was safe. There was nothing that told him this, it just dawned on him all of a sudden.

Up until that point Tyson had believed that he was always going to fail, that he wasn't good enough to survive.

Love & Hate

The simple way to put things is that Tyson loves and is afraid of both Sebastian and [the] Jim[s], but it's way more complicated than that.

Tyson will freely admit that he loves his owners, he is completely smitten by Moriarty and will do anything to please Jim, but Tyson has never meant this in a romantic way. It's not untrue to think that on some level Tyson's attraction is romantic, but he isn't full aware of that and it isn't the driving force of the emotion. For Tyson, love is the only way to quantify how he feels about Jim and how willing he is to lay his life down for the criminal. But this isn't something that's returned.

Yes, Jim can be affectionate with Tyson and show that he cares about his Pup; but Tyson doesn't believe, and has no reason to think, that Jim loves him. He isn't expecting Jim to ever feel that way and doesn't need him to, Tyson loves Jim because he loves Jim. It's as simple as that. He isn't pining for anything more, not that he'd turn it down if more was offered.

Tyson and (his 'canon') Sebastian were in a romantic relationship. Tyson loves Sebastian and the sentiment was/is returned. In the beginning this was a mutant, consensual relationship. Tyson was then manipulated, by the promise of affection and love then later violence, into a position where he couldn't say no and had no choice but to go with Sebastian.

Despite everything, Tyson still loves Sebastian, though wishes that he didn't any more, and knows Sebsatian still loves him too. Tyson doesn't want this. He wants to be completely done with Sebastian and continue his life without him, but he can't. Tyson knows he will always come when Sebastian calls.

The difference is that Tyson doesn't expect Jim to return his love and that's perfectly okay, whereas Tyson knows that Sebastian returns his loves and that is terrifying.

Being afraid of Jim Moriarty and Sebastian Moran is, in the broad scheme of things, very sensible. Even though he is in a relatively safe space as a shared pet of the Moriarty Mirrors, Tyson knows better than to think he is safe; James Moriarty is a dangerous man and to be feared. For obvious reasons, Tyson knows to be afraid of The Colonel and knows what he's capable of first hand. However, even these two emotions are very different.

With Jim, Tyson knows to be afraid but at the same time he knows that, largely, he's safe. So long as he keeps himself interested and useful for Jim, he's unlikely to be gotten rid of and he knows how not to annoy the criminal; avoiding his wrath. Tyson knows to be afraid of Jim, but he's rarely given a reason to be.

More times than Tyson cares to remember, he's been on the receiving end of Sebastian's anger. He knows to be afraid of Sebastian and has been given many good reasons to be afraid of the other man. Yet, Tyson doesn't fear Sebastian as much as Jim. It's fear of the unknown.

Yes, Tyson is terrified of Sebastian, but he knows what to expect from the sniper. He knows what Sebastain is capable of, but Tyson also knows what he is capable of surviving from The Colonel. Tyson can guess all he likes, but he doesn't know what Jim is capable of dishing out and he doesn't know if he could survive it.