Heartbreak

Tyson’s most obvious heartbreaks are from Kim and Sebastian.

However, they are far from the only ones to break his heart. For all his plethora of trust issues, Tyson hands over his heart far too easily.

There was also Peter Campbell, one of the people Tyson’s father paid to pretend to be Tyson’s friend; Lee, the French student in Tyson’s military history class who still makes his heart flutter to think of; Geoffrey, one of his fellow strategists in the army who got engaged in the time it took him to find his confidence; and too many others to count.

Tyson doesn’t so much offer his heart out, as throw it as hard as he can at an impassible wall, then somehow seems surprised when he gets hurt.

That said, Tyson handles heartbreak far too well. He is content to pine - to hurt and hurt - so long as the other person is happy, wherever they are.

Dreams

Tyson doesn’t have dreams anywhere near as much as he does nightmares.

The dreams that Tyson does end up having are usually less coherent than his nightmares, fragments of figments rather than the linear - and horrifying - narrative of his nightmares.

Usually Tyson has an easier time trying to remember the sensations of the dream, rather than the events that happened: feeling warm and safe in arms that could only have been Sebastian’s, grass tickling his back and the scent of Kim’s coconut shampoo, or the steady pressure of James perched on his shoulders and the taste of sea spray against his lips.

Only some parts of Tyson’s dreams are coloured by his Synesthesia:

Dreams are varied, though more consistent. If it’s a memory, the colours and maps remain as they were; with some allowance for changes in his emotional response if the memory is adapted whilst he dreams. If it isn’t a memory, then only things that Tyson does remember will get coloured.

For example, if he dreamt that he was walking through a fake building with Jethro, then the building would appear in its ‘natural’ state, whilst his brother would get his normal colour palette.

Upperclass

Though he tries to distance himself from it as much as possible, Tyson had an upper-class - highly privileged - upbringing that he can never truly get away from.

It’s always evident in the precise received pronunciation of his usual broad, yet posh, Cambridge accent; even more prominent as his stutter stretched out the vowels, further broadening his accent, and drawing attention to the sharp clipped edges of his consonants.

He may only believe etiquette and manners necessary to a point, but his upbringing is clear in the ways Tyson holds his cutlery, in the aborted movement of his arm to draw out the chair for his dining partner, and - if he always follows through on that reflex - in the manner in which he does so.

Tyson makes his distaste for the upper-class elite very clear, but he cannot escape the way he was shaped by his upbringing; endless tutors and schooling to groom him into the perfect heir for the Delaney family legacy.

He knows how fortunate he was, excluding the abuse from his father, but that doesn’t make Tyson resent that privilege any less. He hates the entire culture of it, the way he was an extension of his father rather than his own person, and he hates the feeling that none of his accomplishments will ever be his own; that he will always owe it to his upbringing amongst the elite.

Noire

Tyson has a soft spot in his head for the spy/detective genres as a whole, but especially Noire.

The concept of ‘It’s a dirty job, but someone has to do it’ appeals strongly to Tyson in his current line of work. Even - and perhaps especially - the parts that he is good at, Tyson hates the work he does for the Moriarty Mirrors and he’s never hidden that, but he will keep doing it for them untiringly.

The bittersweet sentiment that even when everything is horrible, grim and dark, there is still hope. Still a silver lining and a reason to keep marching forward. The idea that, however slim it may be, that silver lining is worth fighting for is a great comfort to Tyson.

He finds noire to be incredibly cathartic. He is trying to do as much good as possible, by minimising collateral damage and redirecting the crosshairs into better places. Tyson doesn’t think that makes him a good person, but he’s trying his best and, when he can’t find a silver lining, forging them himself.

That counts for something. His battle might be in vain, but that doesn’t mean that it’s not a fight work taking.

Death

Tyson doesn’t handle death well.

He copes incredibly well, but Tyson doesn’t internalise death in a healthy way.

He wears it like a second skin. He doesn’t let go of the deaths he’s caused. Tyson makes sure that they stick. That his blame lingers like the smell of smoke. Even deaths that aren’t his fault, like Captain Samson, Tyson shoulders - and internalises - the blame almost immediately.

Before they received news that General Clarkson survived Sebastian’s attack, Tyson had internalised the blame for that as well.

Tyson has spent so long doing that, taking that weight, that he’s almost numb to deaths that aren’t his fault; that even Tyson can’t blame himself for. He actually feels better when the guilt of thoughts like ‘why didn’t I prevent this from happening?’ come around.

Crying

Tyson doesn’t cry that often.

He’s good at holding that back and stopping at his eyes watering, but once his control breaks and he starts (truly) crying Tyson can’t stop until he’s empty. Even as a child, Tyson had far too much control when it came to keeping himself silent and presentable.

When crying is a result of intense physical pain or sensory overload, Tyson will ‘pretty cry’. Tears will run down his face, but Tyson will grit his teeth and seem otherwise fine. He knows how to push through physical pain and lock down that emotion. Even after getting shot, Tyson won’t cry.

The type of pain that causes Tyson to cry is the overwhelming type where he can’t survive off of Adrenalin. This mostly applies to the hypersensitive dent in his torso, when he isn’t running off the adrenaline from other wounds or fighting Sebastian, when he’s already under Sebastian’s thumb.

When it comes to sensory overload or a panic attack, Tyson doesn’t know why he ends up with tears on his face, but he knows that he doesn’t sob during them. It’s rare he could draw enough breathe for that during those moments.

When dealing with emotional pain, Tyson ugly cries. He has absolutely no poker face for what he’s feeling, but Tyson is good at controlling his emotions. Once that control breaks, Tyson shatters. He will cry until he has no more tears to give and then he’ll be dry sobbing for a while after that.

Happiness

At best, Tyson is - usually - content with his place in the world.

He hates himself, he hates the work that he does and knows that he isn’t getting a happy ending in this lifetime, but he is content to shoulder that burden, because Tyson loves the Moriarty Mirrors and he will sacrifice everything for those he loves. Especially himself.

Tyson doesn’t know what to do with happiness. Not truly. There are times when he is happy, naturally, but once he realises that he’s happy, Tyson will go out of his way to distance himself from it. To run away from it. Unless he’s already in too deep to avoid further damage. He has to be eased into happiness, like a turtle in a cooking pot.

A stupid, stupid turtle in a pot that could never hurt him. The idiot.

He thinks that he doesn’t deserve happiness. Afraid that he’ll break it, that it will shatter under his fingertips and hurt those he cares about. Tyson simply does not get nice things; not unless they were going to be ripped away from him. He would rather hurt himself now, to avoid later pain.

Tyson would rather distance himself - shove people away, snarl words that he doesn’t mean with a vitriol only ever meant for himself - than risk hurting someone else by being their bad luck charm. Happiness is overwhelming for Tyson and he doesn’t know to how to accept it without fear, without guilt.

This is most commonly overruled by Tyson’s loyalty. He is loyal to a fault. No matter how much it hurts him, he won’t abandon those he cares about. Once Tyson cares, no matter how afraid he is, he can’t abandon someone; even if he tries to distance himself, Tyson can’t stay away completely.

To Tyson, that is a sign of weakness. That he is being selfish and even more ‘proof’ that he doesn’t deserve that happiness in the first place, because Tyson isn’t a good person, he’s dangerous and being around people puts them at risk. He doesn’t want to put innocent people in the crosshairs.

Staying is a sign of weakness and proves he doesn’t deserve that happiness, whereas running shows that he’s too weak to have earnt that happiness; too weak to deserve it. It’s a no-win scenario. Whatever action Tyson takes, he will convince himself that he’s being a coward.

Lonely

Old headcanon reminder, but it’s needed to preface this.

Tyson has never felt alone.

Given enough time a room full of monkeys with typewriters will make the complete works of Shakespeare

Tyson has never felt alone because of mathematics. He knows the laws of probability and that there are a finite combination of letters in the English language that make words.

Tyson knows that statistically there are going to be other people who have had the exact same thoughts as him, who likes the same things, who wants the same things. He’d always known this because of mathematics.

Tyson has felt lonely and craved the company of other people but he had never felt alone, because he has never been alone, he isn’t alone, and he will never be alone.

The reassurance that Tyson will never be alone doesn’t stop him from feeling lonely at times. The usual cause for Tyson feeling lonely is seeing friends from afar, rather than a complete absence of them.

When Tyson is on his own or with his dogs, his thoughts rarely stray over to anything that makes him feel lonely. The closest are moments when he’s missing The Colonel, but that’s a pang of loss rather than feeling alone because of Moran’s absence in his life.

Tyson feels the most lonely when he’s walking away from Captain John Watson, knowing that he’s on the other side of the street, but that they have to keep their distance from one another to keep each other safe. Knowing that he may never walk the same path as his former brother in arms ever again.

It’s those moments when he wants to talk to Lestrade, someone who understands the weight of the web from inside whilst also openly disliking the web’s activities, but Tyson knows that he can’t risk blowing the other man’s cover by seeking companionship with him.

Those moments when he’s people watching in the park or at a café and the reality of it hits him.

Usually, those are nice moments for Tyson. Content by seeing others contentment and happiness. Sometimes, however, it hits him that he is entirely outside of that. That Tyson could never simply strike up conversation without putting innocent people at risk: from The Colonel, enemies of the web, and even from within the web itself.

Lashing Out

Though he isn’t trigger happy with his anger, Tyson tends to lash out in fear. Like a cornered animal, he snaps and growls, and fights for every inch of space even to his own detriment.

Even in the moment, Tyson knows its a bad idea, that he shouldn’t spurn kindness freely given, but he can’t help it. He didn’t survive Moran by being naive, by accepting things at face value. He survived by refusing to fall, always pushing to live no matter what; even, or perhaps especially, when he believed that he wouldn’t.

Once Tyson is given a reason to be wary around someone, he will turn tail; notable exceptions, as always, being the Moriarty Mirrors and The Colonel. He can’t afford to give second-chances, to wait and see if someone is truly dangerous before leaving. Not with his life experiences and not in his line of work.

His words cut with a vitriol that Tyson could never achieve if he was trying to hurt someone. Tyson often censors himself and forces himself into clunky sentences to work around his stutter, but he can be shockingly eloquence when the situation calls for it. Hurting someone else enough to leave him alone apparently calls for it in Tyson’s panicking mind.

He doesn’t resort to violence unless he absolutely has to. That isn’t about being merciful. Tyson knows that hitting hard enough to leave a mark is enough to draw more attention onto him, the person wanting payback or the police getting involved, and when he’s scared and running, Tyson doesn’t want more attention.

Anger

Tyson can let go of his anger very easily.

He can give a man emotional whiplash, bouncing between two emotions without any transition, but Tyson finds that anger is easier than others. He doesn’t get hit with a blinding rage, but more like little sparks of anger breaking through his calm, quickly defused with a plan to deal with whatever is upsetting him. For Tyson, anger is more of a catalyst for other emotions than a driving force.

As an exception to almost every rule, Moran can provoke Tyson to anger better than anyone else, but his anger is still quickly dispersed. What Sebastian Moran is best at is getting Tyson to show that anger for the brief moment it’s there, rather than suppressing it. He’s turned baiting Tyson into a sport.

When something truly upsets him, Tyson can be bristling with anger for the duration of that encounter, but the moment he’s away from whatever is upsetting him or it has been dealt with, Tyson immediately settles down. The Soldier holds onto their anger more, but as a focal point, a facade through which he can maintain control.

Given his encounters with The Colonel’s temper, Tyson handles the anger of other people better than might be expected. Largely this is due to the big explosive personalities Tyson has to deal with when working for the web and the way tempers flared in such a high-stress situation during his time in the army.

Anger puts Tyson on edge, he’s always preparing for an attack or escape even in the calmest of moments, but he isn’t the type to immediately parrot another’s anger; unlike his brother, Jethro. Tyson’s morals and to an extent his behaviour reflect those around him, not necessarily his emotions.

Often it’s his job to keep a level head. Tyson may be afraid and skittish when he doesn’t have a mission to focus himself, but he knows how to get a job done. Tyson knows how to keep control over himself.

Though Tyson isn’t great at reading people in general, anger is one of the few emotions that Tyson can reliably read when he isn’t running off of pure instinct. He spent so long on watch for Sebastian’s alcohol-fuelled rages, that Tyson is usually the first person in the room to notice someone edging towards anger.

Comfort and sexuality

Tyson's orientation is romantically bi, but sexually gay. Tyson is completely comfortable with his romantic orientation and feels no guilt in seeking relationships with males and females. However, despite accepting that it is his sexuality, he isn't comfortable being gay.

If he could stop being gay, then Tyson would. He's not proud of being gay. He's not completely ashamed of being gay. However, the need for the word 'completely' should be enough to show that Tyson's definitely not happy about being gay.

Currently Tyson's approach to dealing with his sexuality is to ignore it and to suppress his urges. He ignores any sexual urges until he gets to a point where he can't get to sleep without dealing with them. At which point he takes himself to the shower, then he begins suppressing them again.

When in a relationship with another man, Tyson's more accepting of his sexuality because he convinces himself that it's okay because he's only interesting in the person he's in a relationship with. This isn't true, but if there's one person Tyson can lie to, it's himself.

When in a relationship with a women, Tyson hated his sexuality more than ever. Tyson feels like he's letting his partner down by not being sexually attracted to them. Even when he doesn't allow his mind to wonder, Tyson feels like he's cheating on them simply on principle.

Let me put it this way, if Sebastian hadn't instilled a fear of alcohol and intimacy in Tyson, then his way of dealing with any sexual urges would be either of the following:

• Ignoring them, denying that they existed, denying that he could ever be a 'queer'. Then - when he gets too sexually frustrated, when that energy builds up too much - going to the nearest pub or bar he can find, getting drunk, and bedding whichever man would take him. Tyson would be aiming to be too drunk to remember it the following day. Whether he succeeded in that or not, Tyson would resume ignoring his urges.
• Again, ignoring his urges until he simply couldn't any more. Then getting drunk at home to avoid indulging in those urges. When that obviously failed [even with himself, Tyson is an affectionate and truthful drunk] he'd then start masturbating whilst thinking about men. During and after which, Tyson will refused to admit that he's a 'fruit' and continue drinking.

And, yes, those are the ways he deals with his sexuality in army!verse. Which he chooses alternates.

Love & Hate

The simple way to put things is that Tyson loves and is afraid of both Sebastian and [the] Jim[s], but it's way more complicated than that.




Tyson will freely admit that he loves his owners, he is completely smitten by Moriarty and will do anything to please Jim, but Tyson has never meant this in a romantic way. It's not untrue to think that on some level Tyson's attraction is romantic, but he isn't full aware of that and it isn't the driving force of the emotion. For Tyson, love is the only way to quantify how he feels about Jim and how willing he is to lay his life down for the criminal. But this isn't something that's returned.

Yes, Jim can be affectionate with Tyson and show that he cares about his Pup; but Tyson doesn't believe, and has no reason to think, that Jim loves him. He isn't expecting Jim to ever feel that way and doesn't need him to, Tyson loves Jim because he loves Jim. It's as simple as that. He isn't pining for anything more, not that he'd turn it down if more was offered.

Tyson and (his 'canon') Sebastian were in a romantic relationship. Tyson loves Sebastian and the sentiment was/is returned. In the beginning this was a mutant, consensual relationship. Tyson was then manipulated, by the promise of affection and love then later violence, into a position where he couldn't say no and had no choice but to go with Sebastian.

Despite everything, Tyson still loves Sebastian, though wishes that he didn't any more, and knows Sebsatian still loves him too. Tyson doesn't want this. He wants to be completely done with Sebastian and continue his life without him, but he can't. Tyson knows he will always come when Sebastian calls.

The difference is that Tyson doesn't expect Jim to return his love and that's perfectly okay, whereas Tyson knows that Sebastian returns his loves and that is terrifying.

Being afraid of Jim Moriarty and Sebastian Moran is, in the broad scheme of things, very sensible. Even though he is in a relatively safe space as a shared pet of the Moriarty Mirrors, Tyson knows better than to think he is safe; James Moriarty is a dangerous man and to be feared. For obvious reasons, Tyson knows to be afraid of The Colonel and knows what he's capable of first hand. However, even these two emotions are very different.

With Jim, Tyson knows to be afraid but at the same time he knows that, largely, he's safe. So long as he keeps himself interested and useful for Jim, he's unlikely to be gotten rid of and he knows how not to annoy the criminal; avoiding his wrath. Tyson knows to be afraid of Jim, but he's rarely given a reason to be.

More times than Tyson cares to remember, he's been on the receiving end of Sebastian's anger. He knows to be afraid of Sebastian and has been given many good reasons to be afraid of the other man. Yet, Tyson doesn't fear Sebastian as much as Jim. It's fear of the unknown.

Yes, Tyson is terrified of Sebastian, but he knows what to expect from the sniper. He knows what Sebastain is capable of, but Tyson also knows what he is capable of surviving from The Colonel. Tyson can guess all he likes, but he doesn't know what Jim is capable of dishing out and he doesn't know if he could survive it.

A surefire way to offend / upset Tyson

Tyson doesn't get angry easily, but one of the easiest ways to offend Tyson is to say that you'll 'fix him / make him better'.

Tyson doesn't want anyone to fix him nor does he need it. He needs support and someone to encourage him - to give him a nudge every now and again to encourage him to interact with other people and to talk in general, someone to go to for comfort, and to steer him in the right direction if he gets scared/confused - but he doesn't need anyone else to fix him.

This doesn't mean that Tyson thinks he is okay. Tyson knows that he isn't the best that he could be, he knows that he has a long way to go before he could be considered healthy (both mentally and physically), but he is still better than he might otherwise have been.

After the events with The Colonel Tyson was completely shattered. Completely broken. Tyson has worked himself up from, practically, nothing. He dragged himself out of the Middle East and back to Blighty. He put his life back together. He survived. No one else did that for him, Tyson did it on his own. He is far stronger than he, or anyone else, gives him credit for.

Since he started working for Jim, both of them, he has had a lot of help from his owners (some that he knows about and some that he doesn't) but even then most of the work has been done by Tyson. He dragged himself up to a state where he was good enough to take Jim's interest, good enough to be worth helping.

Tyson resents the idea that he needs anyone else to fix him. He will admit he needs help to continue getting better, if a little reluctant to accept the help, but he will never accept that he needs anyone to fix him; because he doesn't.

Where to touch Tyson to panic/calm him