OCD Fears

Tyson has low-level OCD and though most of his ticks come and go, there are a few that always persist. OCD impulses aren’t random, there is a reason behind the need to perform those actions, even if it isn’t always consciously understood.

• He has to put items back in his bag in the reverse of the order he took them out.

This one is relatively simple to understand. If they go back in exactly as they came out, everything is where it belongs and Tyson knows that whatever emergency he finds himself in, he can quickly retrieve the things he needs.

• He has to have the handle of his mug facing left when he isn’t holding it but others mugs can face any direction.

The exact fear here is hard to pin down, but the reasoning is that he’s less likely to spill things that ways. If things spill, a mess is made and Tyson will get in trouble; a fear from his childhood that becomes exasperated by years of abuse and his OCD latched onto it.

• He has to tie his left shoelaces first, even if it means untying his right.

This one began in his army training years. There was a specific order to do thing. Things had to be done in that order. It just became compounded in his mind to do his left laces first or something bad would happen to those around him; if everyone’s uniforms weren’t perfectly in order, the entire unit would be forced into suicide drills around the training yard.

• He has to use particular towels.

His need for specific towels for each member of the household isn’t as easy to pin down into something tangible, but the general worry is one of unnoticed wounds and blood, the risk of cross-infection, and a need for an explicit system to avoid taking unnecessary risks.

• When being handed a food and drink, Tyson will always take the cup in his right hand and the food in his left hand.

Once again, this comes down to avoid making a mess and which hand Tyson trusts to avoid spilling things. Tyson is vaguely aware of this one, but in a non-specific way. He knows he doesn’t want to get in trouble, but can’t place why or what from.

• When stepping off or out of a vehicle Tyson will always put his left leg out first, despite being right dominant for both hands and feet.

This stems from his fear of vehicles and the control they take away from him, and the time he broke his right ankle as a child.

• When eating from a bowl he stirs clockwise twice, then takes a bite, then stirs anti-clockwise twice, then takes another bite.

Given all of Tyson’s struggles to eat enough food and a lack of appetite, it’s not at all surprising that his most persistent OCD impulses are around food, but there isn’t a direct fear here, other than needing to keep control for intangible reasons.

• He always picked up the phone on an even number of rings.

It can’t be bad news if he picks up on an even number of rings. Tyson doesn’t believe that this works, yet he cannot shake the fear that if he picks up on an odd number of rings the news is guaranteed to be bad.

• He always buttoned the second lowest button of his shirt, then the bottom button, before going up his shirt and buttoning up the rest, usually ignore in the very top - collar - button.

This is his oldest OCD impulse, a young childhood Tyson worried about failing the family legacy as he dressed himself for school. A way of making sure he looked the part, as though the order he buttoned his shirt would be at all visible.

• He always taps the spine of a book twice before he opened it.

This comes from handling rare, often delicate books in the library at the family manor. A way of showing that he wasn’t mishandling the books, that he was giving them the respect due, that evolved over time into an impulse to avoid punishment.

• When getting into a car he’ll buckle his seatbelt, unbuckle it, then buckle it again.

Compelled by his OCD, he buckled, unbuckled, then re-buckled his seat belt in rapid succession. Tyson wasn’t aware of that tick’s origin point, only that he felt safer knowing the belt wouldn’t stick; memories of a jammed harness locking him in place whilst under fire in the army were too hazy to remember now. [x]